Easter in Yorkshire and slowing down

We spent Easter with Noel's family in Doncaster. This was actually our first visit since Violet was a very young baby and I was excited for the girls to spend some time with this side of their family, my side currently being camped out in Singapore.

It's amazing how much more you notice when you are with children - well I find I do anyway. I notice and learn so much not only about the children but also about myself, and about Noel, and about our dynamic as a family.

The main thing I noticed this break was how much more rewarding life, travel and everything in between is when you slow down and take the time to pay attention.

Noel and I consciously chose to slow down to our children's pace when Cherry began walking. It's a very adult trait to hurry and rush your child along, to hurtle to the destination for no purpose other than because that's where you're going.

The day we realised that for Cherry (and now Violet too) the journey usually is the destination, and the fun part, was the day we vowed to never hurry or harry our children. Instead we do things on 'Cherry time' or as it is now, 'Cherry and Violet time'.

(That said the actual car journey to Doncaster was a little too unhurried even for our liking, six and a half hours of relatively relentless queues and roadworks. Fortunately both Cherry and Violet are pretty good travellers.)

In slowing down and taking things at Cherry and Violet's pace this weekend I saw:

My older daughter gritting her teeth and setting her jaw in determination as she struggled to master swinging off a hanging rope. I think left to her own devices she'd still be there now!

My younger daughter's attachment needs loom large before my eyes as she asked for far more holding, cuddles, feeding, love and attention from me than 'normal'. I made a mental note to pack the sling for Singapore! We haven't done much babywearing recently, mostly Violet walks everywhere or goes (reluctantly) in the buggy for short distances. Being out and about for full days she was much more keen to be carried.

How Noel and I often go home too early. This is partly a throwback to days when Cherry still napped, and we tried to coincide coming home with her nap or make sure we were home in time for her to nap. And if I'm honest it's partly because sometimes Cherry can be something of a slow-burner when it comes to days out. She's always been a child that takes time to settle in - then once settled, she doesn't want to go home! But on the days when it takes her a really long time to settle, it can be much easier to just pack up and go after an hour or two than stick it out for the entire day.

How easily and happily both Noel and I wander off the beaten track, follow our own and our children's noses and find new and interesting things to do. Our willingness to explore and enjoy the journey rather than rush to the destination is one of our greatest strengths as a family and I felt really proud of all of us this weekend.

How uncomfortable and anxious Cherry can be when she feels nervous, overwhelmed or in unfamiliar and unexpected circumstances. We all want to see the best in our children, but I feel it's important to see children for who they truly are too.

That sharing a queen-sized bed with a restless Violet and a poorly Noel does not make for a good night's sleep!

That children really do know family. We haven't spent huge amounts of time with Noel's family, and since Violet was born even less, but both children seem to understand that the people we were surrounded by meant something and were truly connected to them.

That it's lucky I had promised I wasn't going to stress about bedtimes and sleep, because both girls were awake until nearly 9pm and up and about at 6. It's nice to let them stay up later and see them enjoy themselves - but I think they will need a few earlier nights this week!

Somehow time is flying by and we leave for Singapore in less than a month. In the spirit of honesty I freely admit I am both hugely excited and more than a little anxious about our impending trip. A few days in Yorkshire actually went a long way towards settling some of my concerns about our upcoming six weeks on the other side of the world.

I was reminded of how fundamentally adaptable children are and how much easier everything is when you slow down and take time to explore as opposed to stick to the pre-ordained path and hurtle to the finish line.

As incredibly grateful as I am for the opportunity to travel and see more of the world with our children, I can't deny that the trip does feel like a huge undertaking - not least the 13 hour flight home with both children but without Noel! But I am confident if I take things on Cherry and Violet time I will be up to the challenge.

Easter list

(I'm going to try not to be deterred by the fact that as I write this, rain is hammering steadfastly on the window)

Holidays can actually be quite lonely with very young children. We have only lived in this area since 2013, and making friends in the hectic first year of life with a young toddler and a baby isn't particularly easy.

But I had family around the corner so as long as they were around we had company. Then, as readers of my blog will know, my family moved to Singapore last November. This Easter my parents are out there visiting, which means we will not be able to go to Granny's during the holidays, another failsafe.

I have worked hard since my family left at building new friendships and Cherry going to pre-school has helped enormously. We are booked up for several days with friends, we have neighbours we can call in on or meet at the playground out the front, and we're spending the Easter weekend itself with Noel's family.

And Cherry is truly blossoming as a social being, delighting in the company of her friends (in particular one little boy who, to my joy, seems as inherently silly in his nature as she).

But a part of me does still feel anxious that I will feel lonely over Easter. Holidays are a time for family as much as friends and I feel the absence of my sister-in-law, who was for years my dearest and closest friend, and my niece and nephew as well as of course my brother.

I think the isolation of early motherhood - as I experienced it anyway - is hard to just leave behind especially when some of the few people who were there during the very early years now live on the other side of the world.

The more I talk to mothers I get to know mainly through Cherry's pre-school the more common I find this sense of isolation to be. Lots of us seem to feel we are the only ones who get lonely, imagining our fellow stay-at-home mums to have circles of friends and coffee-dates galore.

In fact all the above thinking relates to a really good idea I had recently about which I will talk more soon, but this is intended to be a post about our plans for Easter!

So far our Easter list includes:

Making gingerbread eggs to decorate an Easter 'tree' - Easter trees seem to be a thing and our local garden centre is full of gorgeous pastel delights. I love this post from one of my absolute favourite blogs Seeds and Stitches and since my children are obsessed with collecting sticks and twigs I thought we could do something similar. I do think however were I to offer up a non-edible dough to make the decorations my children would probably pack their bags and leave, so instead of salt dough we'll use a gingerbread recipe (probably this one replacing the sugar and golden syrup with honey, maple syrup or agave so I can fatuously pretend it's sugar-free).

Making Easter eggs for Noel's family - we will melt down ordinary milk chocolate and use egg moulds to make our own mini eggs and some raw chocolate eggs for me so I don't miss out!

Making Easter bonnets - a classic! Noel stocked up with everything we need from Hobbycraft.

Some fun science experiments - since I discovered Science Sparks I have been dying to attempt some simple experiments with the girls. I love how everything can be done with ordinary store cupboard ingredients, although I am going to need to stock up on bicarbonate of soda and food colouring as Cherry also wants to….

Dye eggs - I can't really see the point of this but I concede it's very pretty and decorative. Cherry is really excited about what she calls 'eggs and colours' which is basically dyeing eggs with food colouring. We've tried it a couple of times but the effect on ordinary brown hen's eggs is pretty poor. Our local greengrocer has started selling lovely big white duck eggs so I think we will invest in a few of them and make Cherry's dreams come true.

Visit our nearest museum, the Honeywood which is running an exhibition of local artists, and the Horniman which we have been to several times and absolutely LOVE, mainly for the gardens I confess and the aquarium if only because Violet calls fish 'ish' and it's super cute.

Our last visit to the Horniman, when Violet was still in my tummy. Look at that little girl!

Make a paper boat mobile. An idea I have seen on several sites, most recently on one of my favourite blogs The Ordinary Lovely. I think paper cranes are probably outside my origami ability at the moment so we'll probably stick to boats. Yet another use for those infernal sticks.

Visit nearby National Trust sites and properties Box Hill, Morden Hall Park and Polesden Lacey. Earlier this year I took the girls to Box Hill for a breakfast picnic (basically granola on the side of the hill) and we all loved it, so given that they are up and about by 6am at the latest I think we'll repeat that little exercise again.

Go back to our community allotments. One of the nicest things we did last summer was start going to drop-in sessions at the community allotments every week. We met some nice friends and the group is very generous so we always left loaded down with gorgeous fruit and veg the girls (well, Cherry) had helped to pick.

And my personal Easter list includes:

Spend some time with Noel! As we're spending Easter weekend with his family I think we will be taking advantage of the in-laws for a few hours and going off for a much-needed lunch and bit of time just the two of us.

Not stress about bedtimes and general routines. Normally I like the girls in bed super-early (as they get up super-early and YES WE HAVE TRIED letting them stay up later and guess what? THEY STILL GET UP SUPER-EARLY) but over the holidays I don't really want to feel we 'should' be home by a certain time. They can catch up the sleep elsewhere. Cherry will occasionally throw in a nap if she needs it, or they can have an earlier night the next night. I'm not above putting my kids to bed at 5.30pm.

I loved this quote from Adrienne Rich, which I discovered via Lucy's always-brilliant blog, and it has helped me really change the way I look at routines.

Sadly I, like Adrienne herself, am not quite brave enough to embrace such a radical attitude in our everyday life outside of the holidays. I feel I need some predictability and if I'm honest, some time out from my children! I could quite easily find myself parenting from 5.30am when my children get up to gone 9pm were I to throw all routine out of the window, with the children catnapping on the go or separately, allowing me absolutely zero time 'off duty'.

As they are getting older and less bedtime-resistant I hope that we can move towards an equilibrium where the children are attuned to their own body clocks - but the upshot isn't me being hotly in demand for 14 hours a day and completely exhausted as a result!

And finally to catch up on some favourite blogs old and new. My current favourite new discoveries are Revolution from Home and Hands-Free Mama, and you can read about my more established favourites here should you so desire.

Happy Easter! Here's hoping the rain stops. And for no reason here's a picture of Cherry circa 20 months old, because it occurred to me today that Violet's coming up to the age Cherry was when she became a big sister and I got a bit soppy about it all and wondered when this little baby suddenly became such a grown-up girl.