RideLondon 100 training

This weekend was the second meet up of the Revolution Cycling coaching programme for 100-mile sportives. I got to know Kerry Bircher at Revolution through my lovely friend Adele and Kerry was kind enough to ride with me last year when I was experiencing some really big issues around fear on my bike.

I've mentioned before that since having Violet my balance is all off, and I have also found myself just more fearful in general, on my bike and in everyday life. In fact last week I had a very nasty near-miss with an ambulance (while driving my car, not on my bike) and it was so terrifying I came over all lightheaded and panicky on the motorway! Luckily my dad was with me so he drove for a while until I felt calm enough to take the wheel again.

I think it's just a biological reaction to being responsible for two very young vulnerable lives. I can see logically that the world hasn't become a scarier place, I take the same risk going down a hill fast on a bike or driving a car as I did before. But I think something is going on on a more subconscious or possibly a hormonal level. I have a lot more to lose these days. I have to be more careful with myself.

The thing I loved about riding with Kerry last year was that she was completely understanding but also very encouraging. She's a mum herself so she gets how I feel, but she also seems to know exactly how much pushing I need. Since I started this training programme I have felt so much more confident on the bike and I have been motivated to really make time to train. I can't realistically get out on the bike daily, much as I'd like to, but I can get up early and run, or do some yoga, and most weeks I'm managing three rides a week.

Trainers ℅ adidas 

Having somebody like Kerry and her lovely colleague Holly on hand to motivate and push (gently) as well as support and encourage me has been a really major factor in me taking the whole endeavour of RideLondon 100 a lot more seriously.

On Saturday we went on our first group ride, a 30-miler around some of the RideLondon 100 route and nearby roads. It was a great way to practice group riding, something I haven't done much of, on actual roads after an introduction at the Hillingdon circuit last month.

The ride itself was a combination of riding as a close-knit group, and going at our own pace up and down some decent climbs out in the Surrey Hills. I find group riding takes a lot of concentration. There seems a lot to think about, staying on the wheel of the rider in front, road hazards, cars, pace, brakes, gears, signals and communication. It's very absorbing and the miles seem to just whizz past.

Once out into the countryside I turned into an excited child and while some of the riders took hills at a more sedate pace I tore up and down them like a dog chasing a tennis ball. Holly commented that I was obviously feeling strong - I'll say. I don't know if it's the training, the fact that I've cut added sugar out of my diet, or just the fact that I had a morning to myself on my bike in the company of some awesome women, but I was definitely on my game.

This week I was interviewed by a big health and fitness magazine for a feature on getting more women on bikes. The journalist asked me what the best advice I'd ever been given around building confidence was and I found this a hard question to answer. There is no one thing a person can say or advise to build confidence on the bike. The way to build confidence on a bike, is to get on a bike.

My confidence was low last year and I didn't have enough time to dedicate to riding to really improve it. This year I am more committed and I can feel myself getting more and more confident every time I ride. The group rides and meet ups are pushing me along in leaps and bounds. I'm more committed to my fitness off the bike too, and last weekend I ran seven miles without even realising it.

Maybe it's just the promise of spring and warmer weather, but I'm definitely finding more energy and motivation and the more I train the more I want to train. It's a very happy circle. I'm looking forward to next month's ride already!

Noel and I are both riding RideLondon 100 for Tommy's, if you would be so kind as to sponsor us to raise money for this amazing charity please do so here.

Jersey ℅ adidas 

Fear and flow

Last weekend I went to Hillingdon for a coaching session with Kerry Bircher at Revolution Cycling, the first in the buildup to RideLondon 100. Going at all was actually quite a big thing. I find myself reluctant to travel far from my daughters physically, it's not a conscious thought process and I don't sit and worry about all the things that could go wrong in my absence. But I definitely struggle to be geographically too far away from them.

Hillingdon isn't exactly miles away but it's the other side of London and far enough to feel significant. I almost didn't go. But I also desperately, desperately wanted to go. RideLondon 100 is my commitment to myself (and to Tommy's, and to Kerry!).

Last year I really struggled with fear on my bike. I had a brief flirtation with cleats that just made me more fearful and anxious, and I had to go back to ordinary pedals. I struggled with balance, something seems to have happened to my body since having Violet and I just don't feel as centred, I get dizzy really easily and I just don't feel as content and settled on a bike as I used to. I struggled with descending, fear on busy roads, and just a sense of all not being well.

I had lost the ability to get into that state of flow whereby I stop thinking and just do. Every time I rode I was thinking too much, worrying, my mind constantly whirring away, never still. Riding my bike used to be a great way to just forget everything and lose myself in the moment. But for obvious reasons I find it very difficult to just 'forget' my children, and I was finding it doubly difficult to forget myself and my fears, and just go with the flow.

I don't know if it was being on a closed circuit or being in a group or just the very powerful motivational effect of Kerry - who is most definitely in the right career. But by the time I was halfway through our three-hour session I just wanted to fling my bike about like I was 10 years old again. There's a really tasty corner on the  circuit down a fairly gentle descent, anybody who has ridden there will know the one I mean, and I wanted to ride that corner ALL DAY LONG. I was on the drops most of the time, without even thinking about it.

I wasn't thinking, full stop. Even during the group riding, something that's pretty unfamiliar to me. There was eight of us in total and we spent the last 10-15 minutes riding as a peleton. Initially I had absolutely no idea how I was supposed to stay in the middle of a group of riders, keep pace, not crash, not run into anybody, and so on. But as it turns out it's as natural as breathing, and once you're in it, everything flows.

I'm so grateful to Kerry and her lovely colleague Holly for the coaching, and I can't wait until our next session which will be a group ride in March. Every month we will all ride together and I love the idea of forming a little group, us all becoming accustomed to riding together to become something bigger than our parts. Group riding relies on communication. There's so many analogies for life in the process. Apparently I'm feeling quite deep and meaningful today.

That's what flow does for you. It opens your eyes, and your heart. It makes you see things, yourself included, in new ways. Flow is a lynchpin of progress. You can't experience it and not move forwards. Fear can't exist in flow. Fear runs screaming. And flow leads to anticipation of more flow, which creates motivation. I have been desperate to get out on the bike again, and on both my training rides this week I have felt far less fearful, and far more confident. I'm pretty sure I've been faster too.

But I've also felt much more centred and together this week. I have felt more motivated, more energetic and more creative. I have found myself able to give more of myself to Cherry and Violet, find more traces of flow in our interactions together.

Sometimes it's hard to just be with them, without thinking about what we're going to do next and what's for lunch and does Violet's nappy need changing and when am I going to get a chance to do the laundry and I really want to write another book and what am I going to do with the rest of my life. You know, just the usual.

But sometimes, like this week, it just flows.

There's still a couple of spaces left on Revolution Cycling's women-only coaching programme for distance challenges, which includes monthly group rides, a personalised training plan, dietary advice, one-to-one coaching support and event preparation. You can find out more by contacting Kerry at hello@revolutioncycling.co.uk or check out her website.